it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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