There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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