i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
