Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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