i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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