I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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