Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
