Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
