is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
