he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's always time for handjobs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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