I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
