So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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