And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
