If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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