hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
