Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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