I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
