You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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