they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
