My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
