My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
