We named our party play list daddy issues
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
