Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
