At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
