and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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