I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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