you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
