I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
