I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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