He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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