Capitaan dildo arrescate!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
