its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
