Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
