I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize