My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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