Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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