The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
