In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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