I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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