I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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