forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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