He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
