why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
