Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
