I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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