my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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