life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
