Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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