well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
