I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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