What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
