This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
