found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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