Acid is not a monday night drug
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
