They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
