Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
