if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize