Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
