And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
