i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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