just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
