My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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