We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
