No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
