it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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