I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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