Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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